Oh yes. Oh yes indeed. Saturday night, 1-0 to The Nite Spartans. Does it get any better? It was a fantastic start to the New Chinese Year. Some of the absentees even made a special appearance at the post match celebrations. Fordy was so shit faced he looked Donald Trump on soju. Marvelous stuff.
The Spartan’s early season form had taken a set back recently after defeat in the last match. Things didn’t start well when player/manager maestro Ryan ‘The Rhino’ Weyman pulled out just before the kick off. Some say that pulling out is the best form of contraception. But not Rhino. Oh no. He’s a one horned beast, an endangered species. When he shoots, he bloody scores.
Did this dampen the spirits of The Mighty Nites? Nah. Even without regulars Rhino (knee), Brad ‘crafty cockney’ Hunt (girlfriend), Martyn ‘where’s my wedding ring?’ Kay (meeting),Mike ‘Melty’ Ford (Melting Issues) , Ynwr ‘me and Mrs, Mrs’ Jones (violence) and Adam ‘The Bish’ Bishop (Brunch), who were all unavailable, the boys put in one of the best performances of the season.
Just when the Nites’ season was in need of a booster, along came the first match of the year of the rooster.
The Nites started well. Especially Joe ‘The Irish Pirlo’ Finnerty, who expertly dummied a pass, lifting his foot neatly over the ball to concede a throw in. A cheeky bit of fake news from the Irish man, fooling the opposition into thinking we were a bit shit.
Another of the team’s Irish contingent, ‘One Punch’ Micky Carroll, started brightly as well. A quick break down the left ended with Micky cutting inside, and unleashing a curling left foot screamer that smashed off the top of the cross bar.
The Nites were gegen-pressing the fuck out of it . Ben ‘is my hair ok?’ Williams was in fine fettle, pressing their midfield and defence hard for possession at every opportunity. He even made some overlapping forward runs. What the hell was happening? “If only I could run” Ben said to me in the pub afterwards.
After much clamour from The Spartans faithful, Barry Kane was restored to the starting line up. Good move that, he was a blisteringly brilliant blizzard of brilliance.
Adam ‘been terrorizing defences all season’ Cross was involved in a lot of attacking play on the right flank. However, despite all the hard work from the midfield and attack, The Nites couldn’t seem to carve out a clear cut opportunity in the first half.
The defence have been solid all season, and Saturday night was no different. Matt ‘BFG’ Hughes and Niall ‘I do a lot of work for charity, but I don’t like to talk about it too much’ Kelly were immense in the centre. Eoghan ‘wing man’ Young and Mark ‘MOM’ Roberts were never being beaten at full back. Phil The Eel Peel was called upon to make an important couple of saves from long distance efforts.
Barry ‘ Albino’ Simmons was introduced in the 2nd half. He put in a great shift, winning a string of important headers. Tony ‘you’ll never take my financial freeedom’ Choi came on to into left back and was reliable as ever. Edd ‘the lad’s got pace’ Felix looked lively when he came on.
But where would the goal come from? Was it destined to be a stale mate? A damp squib on a Saturday night? Or could they find a breakthrough? After some promising forays into the opposition final third, it felt like a goal was coming.
A free kick very late on saw dead ball specialist Niall Kelly place the ball wide on the left flank. He dinked a ball into the box. It dropped at Andrew ‘Golden Goals’ Bruce’s feet. He was surrounded by so many china men, it was like a scene from a Jackie Chan movie. He kicked and spun and kung fu kicked the ball square into a small pocket of space, straight into the Path Of Matty Hughes.
Time seemed to stop for a moment. This was the only clear cut chance of the whole game. Could Matt keep his nerve and grab all three points for the lads?
You fecking bet he could! He kept his cool impressively, and side footed the ball into the net. Cue absolute delirium form the away fans at Shek Kip Mei.
A thoroughly deserved victory, and a much needed shot in the arm for the title challenge. Well done lads!
MOM: Mark Roberts. Another solid display from the Flying Scotsman.
Dick of the Day: There were no dicks today! That’s not true. I think it was Ryan for throwing the ball at their captain? Or Ben for diving? On Saturday we were all one big dick!