Goals: Cowley, Lionel, Randy, Mitchell

Welcome to Spartans Fans young and old everywhere in the world…. wherever you are I know your eagerly waiting for the Masters first match report of the season from the grandest team of the best club ever to grace this planet.

If your living in remote igloo in Iceland-Norway or in some remote chateau in south of France you know where your heart lies… Wan Chai!!! And boy what a summer did we have… the Masters have had change, change and more change like a super typhoon!!!

So, who did we lose over the summer there was our former Captain Craig who decided he couldn’t live without his Haggis or was it his little puppy Fergie any longer. Renowned for sucking Mr Wrights toes before going to bed the name just seemed to stick.



Then there was Mr Tattler himself Pablo “Escobar” Kay who had more than his fair share of leaving do’s over the course of the summer we didn’t think he would ever leave us. Thankfully Cowley bought in the local triads and kidnapped and blinded Pablo out of his luxury pad in central and is now putting on his own take of bring your “own BBQs” to the team at his former residence.
A touching memorial for Pablo was made in remembrance of all he did for the club while Steph is still claiming mental compensation for being Cowley’s roommate for so many years prior. Can’t wait to see Mr Tjhung hitting some Christmas carols alongside Richie said Dan after Wednesday night’s game. Hint Hint….


Then we lost the big one and we mean bigger than Super Typoon Mangkhut, voted the biggest, ugliest and maddest guy in the team last season for Masters note Gresko left the season before.

Somehow he also won the most improved for the Sohos “isn’t that what you award to kids who are shite”…. soon father to be Mark Elliott. We still receiving the occasional whatsapp telling us about his football heroics in his losing team in Singapore or him kicking c%&Ks still, which basically both get ignored by the group on a whole.




So who are the newbies in the Masters well there is the one and only Rob Dickson who just turned 35 years old. Now Rob has been in the club for a very long time and those around the club can tell you apart from his excellent football skills on the pitch he has the knack of scoring both on and off the pitch. He has quite a bit of swagger with the ladies as well. So, given this is a Vets team can I suggest you think twice about bringing your daughters to watch the Masters on a Wednesday Night…you have been warned.


Little was known about the international fight against terrorism guy Benoit Giroud. Our first ever Canadian recruit other than having a decent football surname and the fact he was always up for loads of beers after the game. When he arrived in Hong Kong he jumped onboard the Masters with much Agosto and seems to have a very good knowledge of the local Manila Club scene…future tour planner. We guessing by the end of this season Benoit should also be well knowledgeable of the local Wanchai scene as well.

A new season, new players, new captain Erez the smiling assassin and new optimism that this finally could be our year. With the returning wizardry of Stevie G and the strongest squad to be assembled since 2008/2009 season 10 years ago how could we not lose!!!

Kick-off and as always, a large contingent of players for the first game, 18 players in total. FWD on the other hand only could scrap 10 players although their manager did reassure me that it just seemed to be one of those night’s where everyone was away. Handy outfit they will cause a few teams problems once they have a full complement on pitch.
So, on balmy, quite lovely night at Stanley the Spartan charges kicked off our first league game. We totally bossed the first half. Our first goal came from combination of Cowley beating his man on the left then passing to Dickson who beat his man to see Randy tap it in. Then Randy became provider by providing the assist to Cowley after been put through by magical ball from Stevie G. Randy suggesting that we should have a fantasy league setup this year confident that he is odds on to win it with his assist play. Many thanks Randy for putting your hand up to run this for the year.
2-0 up and cruising the first day injuries Masters curse continues we ended up with 6 in the end surely a new Masters record. First to come off is Randy, we thought he had brain haemorrhage as he just realised he was doing the Masters fantasty league this season but it was later accessed that he was getting too old and unfit. After scoring against David James who needs to get fit anyway…I think we have heard that story a few times.

Then like an old broken record Stevie G gets injured this time it’s the groin…after running around chasing 2 daughters you would think the groin was well tested but not to be. I’m reassured Stevie G back is still in full working order so we are optimistic some return to Stanley is eminent. We actually create several more chances it seems most of them falling to captain Erez who somehow doesn’t take any of them. We keep pressing and then on counter they catch us on break only for their striker to scruff it wide. The presence of Leo in goals would scare the F8ck out of anyone I’m sure.

It was at this time during the match we received the customary porn video clips sent by our beloved London based Gresko on our whatspp chat. Jay always seemed to have perfect timing. After probably another 5-6 chances which we didn’t take any we once again got caught in defence and this time Leo pulled off a great save to keep the status quo to 2 up at the break.

Half time, terminator Stef knee once again was causing him problems became our third injury victim for the night. The arrival of last years golden boot and fans favourite Andy Palace Mitchell beaming from a pre-season 5-goal bonanza and an all-night bender to follow was licking his lips. Andy along with many others seem to have chance after chance to score a multitude of goals, I ran out of memory on my phone after taking the notes on missed chances.
Andy wasn’t alone, Dickson, Cowley, and many others had chances for us to bury the game. Captain Erez also once again featured heavily in the chances department but it was trusty old Lionel been thrusted on as a central Midfielder after Islam casualty number 4 pulled his massive right quad muscle that got us the all-important third goal. After hammering the keeper several times at point blank range, the Burmese bomber finally found his target to put us three up.
Forward still provided lethal attacking options but central pairing of Chopps and Grimmy was now in full flight scuffling any type of attack they could muster with ease. Dan however was struggling to keep Mr Williams quiet on their right and we got lucky with a few near misses which easily could have seen us spoil our first clean sheet. Then the gaffa pulled a masterstroke move get Crossy on to hammer Williams. However only seconds later the only thing that was pulling was Crossy’s hamstring and we had lost 4 for the night.

We still had time for one more final injury though and what a beauty it was. When a 7-foot Forward giant put his foot up against Cowley who came to his hips there was always going to be only one winner. Warrior Cowley had blood gushing from his head and there was concern that the wee man could loose so much blood that he would need to move out of Pablos apartment. After a 20-minute delay from the HK ambulance who went to the wrong location and then struggled to get the correct street number of HKIS School. A combination of Steve G fancy car having a first aid kit and Ed McKay’s intermit knowledge of looking after young hapless women who are unconscious. Cowley had time to get patched up, have a piss and a cup of tea before ambulance arrived to whisk him away to get 5 stitches.

With all this excitement happening on the sidelines there was still a game of football been played and after Captain Erez missed his 100th chance to score Andy Mitchell slotted home from point blank to seal us the victory after Amit’s assist, Randy hope you keep a tally.

Whistle and all smiles from Spartans Masters, big turn out to the bar afterwards and Randy singing we going to win the league…a reminder of when he was singing it’s coming home a few months earlier. Solid performance all round thought Cowley had a cracking game along with the two-central pair of Chopps and Grimshaw. Dickson was superb as well and massive addition but I think most agreed afterward he didn’t score on the night when he really should have but he totally bossed the game from start to finish in the midfield.
Man of Match our own smiling assassin Captain Erez.