Edwin Tizard was in the limelight as he enjoyed a night of mixed performances. On the pitch he had a number of shots and bagged a hat trick, and off the pitch, he had a number of shots, and bagged a hat trick.

A 9pm start meant Casper had plenty of time to make kick off, and surprised everyone by turning up at 8.05pm. Not wanting to come across as a square, he did admit he thought it was an 8pm kick off.

The international rugby event delayed warm up proceedings before hand, but the squad got the chance to raise their heart rates by listening to some questionable music and perving on some rugby fan totty. Matt Keefe’s pulled muscle, turned out to be his penis.

Without last season’s top scorer, Ed led the line, flanked by Cas and Rui. The trio of Crossy, Sam and a new role for Eneko lined up in the middle, ahead of the tallest CB partnership in YYL history, Lars and Grayland. Dr Tom of the Glen and Ted at full back, with the Gallic goalkeeper between the sticks. OM, Aryan, Gids and Christian Rasmus received super-sub status.

A slow-to-start performance could have have been disastrous as Eneko screwed the ball towards the Spartan goal, only to see it ping back off the post to safety. Following a frantic few minutes, Spartans got a grip of the game and started to move their share of the ball much better, with the front three causing the Boca defence all sorts of problems. Inevitably, it was the tactic of playing on their weak defenders that sent a ball forward for Ed race clear of the back line, and from a wide angle, finish with aplomb to give Spartans the lead.

Soon after, some good link up play between Ed and Casper set the Dane free, and came desperately close to doubling the scoreline. Boca were looking relatively toothless, with their danger men kept quiet by the industrious full backs, but there was a warning sign as a hopeful swing from their CM crashed back off the bar. 

However, the Spartans kept their shape and discipline, and continued to pose threats, winning a free kick in dangerous territory. Crossy stepped up and sent an arrow of a kick flying forward, forgetting the rugby posts had been taken down about 30 minutes earlier. His next effort was much better, swinging in a ‘corridor-of-uncertainty’ ball which C-Rex flashed wide.

HT: Spartans 1 – 0 Boca Seniors

A largely positive HT team talk sent the team back out knowing that they had to match their efforts of the first half, but improve the quality of finishing if the game was to be put to bed.

As the team toiled, a tame shot from distance dipped its way towards Romain, and somehow squirmed through to give Boca a route back into the game. A harsh reflection on the goalkeeper who had dominated his box faultlessly for the game, and season so far.

The heads-up cliché rang, and proved to be not so much of a cliché as Tizard again raced clear down the right and ploughed his head straight down into the ground on the byline. Amongst this flailing fall, at the tightest of angles, the ball rocketed into the inside side netting to put Spartans deservedly back into the lead. The goal defied the laws of physics. Physician Dr Tom Glen was pressed for an answer after the game, but declined to comment fearing his reputation could be shattered by his inability to explain.

Rui underwent medical treatment after a blow to the head dislodged a crayon that had been stuck up his nose for an unknown number of years; management ringing the changes with all four subs coming on in stages. Rasmus managed to sweep two guys off their feet for the first time since a Westlife concert he went to 15 years ago. With the ref asking for his number, a bemused Christian replied he ‘really wasn’t his type ’ and picked up a booking for his troubles.

As the game stretched, two subs combined to set Ed away yet again, and he did his best Paolo Wanchope impression of bobbling the ball off his knees and shins past the goalkeeper and confidently rolled home his third.

A late flurry of pressure and freekicks gave Boca the chance to look as dangerous as they had all day, with the stout defending only broken by a low driven thunderbolt through a crowd with just a minute remaining, giving the game a look of a closely run encounter.

FT: Spartans 3 – 2 Boca Seniors.

Then the evening took a disastrous turn for Ed. The introduction of a well-oiled Spartans double act of Mike Knowles and Uncle Jon led to the now infamous ‘Categories’ drinking game making an appearance with Ed losing the first round, and then bizarrely changing the category to 21. After sobering up after his first shot, Ed then lost further rounds of Categories (despite Christian’s inability to name a single premier league player). Tiz-not-hard to score goals it appears, but Tizard to think of categories as Edwin found out by hitting a real low point in his time at Spartans by choosing ‘types of cured meats’ as a legitimate category. Crossy took pity on the poor guy screaming ‘ PEPPERAMI !!’ , mistaking the category for ‘outdated snacks from the 1990s’. Worth noting Jon Wheatley also lost his own game on more than one occasion.

Mike Knowles proved great banter as he joked about backing Ireland to the tune of HK$ 25,000 to qualify for the world cup, and secured himself a fantastic DOTD win, as well as a new position of ‘Post-Match Gaffer’. Thoughts now quickly turn to Sunday for another big game against GAS.

Man of the Match: Edwin Tizard
Dick of the Day: Mike Knowles
Tom Glen Award: Chris Grayland
Romain’s Fashion Corner: slim pickings today, so Nick Day for non-standard issue polo