Having lost two of the world’s top football management team, on Sunday, some lame excuse about the wife wanting me @ the birth, (Congratulations to Abbs & Flabbo with the birth of Sebastian, Sherry & Lionel with Isobel) I set out on my journey confident I could single handedly keep the Spartans juggernaut a rolling.

Drive to the ground finding a sprinkling of players in relaxed mood, frankly looked more comatose to me, knew I had me work cut out, but no jobs too big for the Technical Director.
 

5 minutes till kick off & we were 9 players & Joe, who didn’t have any kit, but swayed about in his fashionable outfit with union jack belt, i kid you not, saying Simons on his way with me kit………….I didn’t ask, who knows what the kids get upto today.

Simon eventually turned up & seemed shocked to see us and had clearly had a few like as his eyes were rotating in his head and his little ginger beard kept bursting into flames, which as Terry told me later, is a sure sign of a man who’s been having a nip or ten of the old lighter fluid.

Using my top-class tactical knowledge & vivid imagination I decided we should take a physical approach to the show much as I did as a player so successfully, so I advised on treading on feet, an over-the-top challenges & some decent elbows aimed at the face. Introduce yourself early doors as it were.

The plan didn’t exactly go too well with a perfect through ball from Jeff going straight to Nana (apparently taking several nicks off of several players on the way) in the first 5 minutes to calmly slot us 1-0 up.

The defense & Plastic Scouse were furious they didn’t even get the chance to rub themselves up against there number 3, let alone introduce themselves & exchange numbers.

We started to think that the game could be a nice sunday breeze & went into limp mode, with plastic doing alot of shouting, i’ll tell you I’ve never heard him like that before, he just couldn’t stop, going red & everything, apparently the better half & mother were shopping @ some expo in Macau to help with his frustration, hope they found something suitable?

It wasn’t the best half with us getting away with some sloppy defending & creating little up front, we went into half time a little lucky to be up, technical changes were required.

Our forward fulcrum messers Briggs was brought back into a central midfield role, where Jeff, well he could do pretty much what he liked.

This tactical decision of mine seemed to work wonders, Nick was midfield general personified & Jeff was causing all kinds of problems, everywhere with some cracking crosses from either side of the pitch, creating chances for Nana & Joe, who was now wearing most of his clothes, we were pressuring well & it looked like we were going to score again & make the game more comfortable, especially for 2 toes Tony who was hugging the left touchline and occasionally rubbing his toilet parts on it instead of there number 3, when I think I can recall a long ball, which Ben was clearing up all day long, except this long ball, was obviously thinking about his trip to Disney land this weekend…..lucky lad, their forward was through on goal empty net, must be an equalizer, but ANP haven’t got a Swiss Kapitan like Spartans have….

Spartans skipper was having a titanic game at the back, operating 15 or 20 yards behind the other three defenders in an attempt to counteract the pace of the Anp forwards. What Swiss lacked in speed, finesse, awareness, intelligence, charm, he more than made up for in commitment to supply tobacco after the match, he somehow managed to take the forward, Rueben & the ball whilst flying into the goal & moving the goal back several yards thus completely confusing the assistant official who was looking a bit moody, we somehow escaped & legged it up the other end of the pitch.

This let off inspired us to push forward & produce our most creative stage of the match, with everyone going for that second & decisive goal. 

It came from again another piece of play from Jeff taking on several players turning around & taking them on again then playing a nice ball to Jens who floored it past a player & placed his shot into the bottom right hand corner, I must just add Jens wouldn’t have been in this position if someone hadn’t decided to play him on the right side of midfield.

Anyways Simon had just woken up & was getting a bit agitated so came on for his 15 minutes of running around while we saw the game out comfortably & started to play some exhibition football with Scouse doing step overs & Briggsy even getting a yellow card for a slightly late slide tackle, another win 10 on da bounce, lets make it a full house next week lads.

 

Rueben (GK) – Excelled in shouting @ the back four & heading, dealt with everything else with ease, to keep a clean sheet.

TTTony (LB) – Spastically had a somewhere between a 65 to 75% game & sore ears

Swiss (Kapitan) – Thou shall not pass, Thou shall not pass, what else can you ask for..Rock ard.

Ben (CB) – Won everything in the air, except for the ones he didn’t, helped marshall the back four, have fun in Disneyland this weekend.

Andy B (RB)- Back to his best after a couple of weeks in the cocktail bars, solid & becoming more creative with it too.

Joe (LM) -Part time fashion guru, very energetic and solid as always.

Scouse (CM) – Pants.

Briggsy (??) – Spartans star man, Mr versatile, forward thinker, midfield general, defensive rock nuff said.

Jens (LM)- Vindicated his promotion to the starting line-up with a fine goal & lasted a whole game.

Jeff (??) – Literally all over the place, caused confusion everywhere & i’m not just talking about their back four, excellent created both goals.

Nana (CF) – Cool as a cucumber from start to finish, great finish to put us in charge early doors, worked tirelessly upfront.

Simon – Impact player personified, likes a vodka or 2.

Paul (TD) – Turns out I’m brilliant at Technical Director

 

We asked: Who should partner Scouse in the middle of the park?

 

52 % said Jeff gets my shout

31 % said Safe as houses Briggsey

10 % said Big Kenny the lad oozes passion

7 % said the scottish tart with da white boots

No One said Terry Graham